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Lying To Yourself Like This Will Cost You Dearly


Our emotions are an accurate indication of when we are in truth and when we are lying to ourselves.


Believe it or not, one of the great gifts we were born with is our emotions. Our emotions infallibly let us know when we are operating from the truth and when we are telling ourselves lies. When we are in truth, we feel clear, connected, happy, peaceful, powerful and joyful. When we are lying to ourselves – operating from our false beliefs – we feel anxious, tense, depressed, scared, powerless, angry, empty, hopeless, alone and abandoned.

Therefore, it’s very important to discover the lies we tell ourselves that are causing much of our pain.

Truth comes from our higher self, while the lies come from our own mind. Our ego mind is a master at creating lies, often based on our core wounds.

“I’m not good enough.”

“I’m intrinsically flawed.”

“If he doesn’t like me, there must be something wrong with me.”

“If she rejects me, it must be my fault.”

“If I grow and move into my power, I will end up alone.”

“My goodness is defined by others seeing me as caring.”

“My worth is defined by others paying attention to me and seeing me as special.”

“If I am very loving and giving, I can control how others feel about me.”

“Telling others my feelings is a way to take care of myself.”

“If I’m kind to others, I can get them to be kind to me.”

“If I love someone enough, they will eventually love me back. I can control getting love.”

“I have to be perfect. If I’m perfect, then I can have control over how others feel about me.”

“Others cause me to feel happy or sad. Others are responsible for my feelings.”

“Resistance will protect me from being controlled.”

“If I tell the truth, I will end up alone.”

“Resisting control is a good way to maintain my integrity.”

“I can’t be myself and be safe.”

“If I make enough money, I will feel happy and secure.”

“If I worry and ruminate enough, I can control the outcome of things.”

“Anger works to get me what I want.”

“If I look good, people will like me.”

“I don’t deserve for God to love me and be here for me.”

“I have to earn love.”

“I can’t love myself as well as someone else can.”

The wounded self – our ego mind – has hundreds of beliefs about ourselves, about control, about others, and about Spirit that cause us much pain.

Step Three of Inner Bonding is about exploring the lies we tell ourselves, and the ways we treat ourselves, that cause our pain. This can be a fascinating process of self-discovery – a process of unraveling the complex illusions of the ego wounded self. Each time you do your inner exploration in response to a painful feeling, you can discover another lie that has limited you and caused you pain.

As I stated above, truth comes from our higher Guidance. That’s why Step Four of Inner Bonding involves going to your higher self to learn the truth about these false beliefs, and to find the loving action you need to take on your own behalf. You cannot discover the truth within your own mind. You need to learn to open to your Guidance, or to your own higher self, or to whatever you are comfortable with going to, outside of your own programmed mind. We cannot “figure out” the truth. We must open to it and allow it in, which is what happens when we move into a sincere intent to learn with our spiritual Guidance about truth and loving action.

One of the lies of the wounded self is that we are bad or wrong or somehow inadequate for even having a wounded self! The wounded self wants to stay hidden. It doesn’t want to be unmasked, and it will go to great lengths to defend itself, denying its existence and judging itself to avoid being seen.

The joy of growth and healing happens when we acknowledge and embrace our wounded self with compassion and a deep intent to learn about its lies. These lies are limiting us and causing our pain.

I encourage you to build the practice of Inner Bonding into your daily life. Set aside time each morning and evening to practice the Six Steps. Practice staying open to your feelings throughout the day, and then do an Inner Bonding process whenever you feel anything other than peace and fullness within. Each time you discover another lie and move into the truth, you will feel lighter, freer and more personally powerful. The truth really does set us free!

Find out how SELFQUEST® unleashes the true power and consciousness within you to help you realize the life changes you desire and deserve. The power to find yourself, heal yourself and love yourself through the transformational self-healing practice of Inner Bonding.

Are You Afraid Of Being Happy?


Do you fear feeling happy because of the pain that might follow?


I’m certain that if someone asked you if you want to be happy, you would say “Yes, of course!” Yet research indicates that many people have a fear of happiness. Anna North, in an article entitled “Beware of Joy“, states that, “Fear of happiness is that creeping feeling that you shouldn’t get too comfortable, because something bad is bound to happen.”

I wouldn’t call this a fear of happiness. I would call it a fear of pain. It’s not the happiness that people want to avoid, but the pain that they fear will follow it.

The article goes on to state that, “At Scientific American, Tori Rodriguez looks at the downsides of fear of happiness:

“‘Past research supports the idea that an aversion to positive emotions often coexists with mental disorders. Patients with major depressive disorder, for example, have been found to fear and suppress both negative and positive emotions more than healthy people do.'”

This is because pain and joy exist in the same place in the heart. We cannot suppress pain without also putting a lid on joy. As the above research shows, depression can result from suppressing all feelings, both the positive ones and the negative ones.

The reason people suppress their pain is because they never learned how to lovingly manage it. They are so afraid of their pain that they suppress all their feelings, which leads to depression.

I have worked with thousands of people who came out of years of depression after learning how to compassionately embrace all their feelings with an intent to learn about what their feelings are telling them, and then taking loving action in their own behalf. Inner Bonding is an amazing process for healing the depression that results from the suppression of feelings. (There are many causes of depression – the suppression of feelings is just one of them).

Life will always have its ups and downs. We can feel very happy for an hour or a day and then something painful occurs and the happiness is gone. But when you practice Inner Bonding and immediately attend to the pain – whether it’s from a painful event, a person being unloving, or from your own wounded self judging you or abandoning you in other ways – you can get back to happiness in a relatively short time. Of course, when a big loss happens, it takes longer to move through the grief, but the time is way shorter when you have learned to be very kind and compassionate with yourself than when you attempt to suppress your feelings and try to be ‘strong.’

I would much rather accept the highs and lows of life than live in the flatness of depression. There is no doubt that the pain of life is very painful, but when you put a lid on your feelings to avoid the pain, you miss the joy, the love and the passion of life. What’s the point of being here if we can’t feel the joy of life?

When you learn how to open to Spirit and bring in the comfort, love and compassion that is always available to all of us, then you no longer fear the pain of life. You know you can manage it when you know how to access compassion and comfort, and also how to reach out to others for comfort when the pain is too great.

When you consistently practice Inner Bonding and learn to connect with your spiritual guidance and learn to take loving care of yourself, you will find that you no longer fear the pain of life, and therefore no longer fear happiness – or the loss of happiness when life happens.

Find out how SELFQUEST® unleashes the true power and consciousness within you to help you realize the life changes you desire and deserve. The power to find yourself, heal yourself and love yourself through the transformational self-healing practice of Inner Bonding.