This Is How To Find Out If You Have Abandonment Issues

Have you wondered if you have abandonment issues? Discover the answer to this question in this article – and what to do about it.

Abandonment issues start very early in life when we don’t feel loved, safe, seen, valued and connected with in our family. Abandonment issues are exacerbated if you were emotionally, physically and/or sexually abused or neglected, or if you were adopted out, sent away to boarding school at a young age, left in unloving day care or with an unloving nanny, or placed in numerous foster homes.

Abandonment issues can also be currently operating in your life if your childhood role models abandoned themselves by not taking responsibility for their own happiness and pain. Perhaps you are currently abandoning yourself by:

  • staying focused in your head rather than being present in your body with your feelings.
  • judging yourself,
  • turning to various addictions to numb your feelings, or
  • making others responsible for your feelings.

If you are abandoning yourself in any of these ways, then your self-abandonment is contributing to some of your current abandonment issues.

Some of the symptoms of abandonment issues are:

  • getting anxious when you don’t hear from your partner, fearing that he or she is leaving you;
  • feeling that you can’t be alone, and feeling panicked at the thought of being left; feeling that you will die if left alone;
  • feeling clingy and needy of others’ attention and approval;
  • giving yourself up to please others;
  • getting angry and blaming your partner when he or she doesn’t answer your calls or texts because he or she is busy at work;
  • feeling worthless unless you get others’ attention and approval;
  • calling or texting your partner many time a day;
  • going into deep depression if your partner leaves you;
  • feeling alone and empty unless another person is attending to you;
  • finding it hard to function when you are anxious about your partner;
  • being suspicious and vigilant regarding your partner;
  • frequently feeling jealous;
  • isolating and pushing people away;
  • being unwilling to attach to people for fear of being rejected;
  • social anxiety; and
  • frequently leaving relationships to avoid the risk of being left.

This is just a partial list. If you are aware of other symptoms, you might want to add your own.

Healing Abandonment Issues

Healing abandonment issues is a two-pronged process.

  1. You need to be in a therapeutic relationship, or a loving friendship or romantic relationship that provides the safety, compassion, caring and understanding that you didn’t receive growing up. You might need mothering – loving holding and nurturing that provides a release of anxiety.
  2. You need to be practicing Inner Bonding, learning how to love yourself and give yourself the caring, compassion, nurturing and safety that you didn’t receive as a child.

If you are receiving love from another but you are abandoning yourself, healing won’t occur. Many people have been in therapy for years with a very kind and compassionate therapist, or been in a relationship with someone who loved them, but if they continue to abandon themselves, they can’t take in the love that is offered.

The more you learn to see and define your own wonderful essence, and the more you learn to connect with your spiritual Guidance and develop a strong loving adult self, the more you heal your abandonment issues. Since you may not be able to do this on your own, having therapy or facilitation in your Inner Bonding process can be extremely helpful in supporting your healing. You might not be able to truly start your Inner Bonding process until you feel seen and valued by another person. But receiving this from another without also learning to love yourself will not lead to full healing. It takes both loving support from another person and loving yourself to heal abandonment issues.

Find out how SELFQUEST® unleashes the true power and consciousness within you to help you realize the life changes you desire and deserve. The power to find yourself, heal yourself and love yourself through the transformational self-healing practice of Inner Bonding.

How To Recover From Childhood Heartbreak In Your Adult Life

Discover how childhood heartbreak causes emotional and physical problems today, and what you can do to heal.

Celine, an only child, was seven years old when her mother died tragically in a car accident. She and her father were devastated. However, unlike so many of my clients who lost parents and no one was there for them, Celine’s father was completely there for her, even while dealing with his own grief and heartbreak. Celine could call him anytime at work and he would talk to her or come home to lovingly hold her. Because he was so completely there for her, her feelings of grief, heartbreak, sadness and sorrow did not get stuck in her body. Each time they came up, they were released due to the caring, compassion, tenderness, gentleness, consistency and understanding of her loving father.

As a result of her father’s love, Celine did not develop the fear of intimacy and loss that so many people experience as a result of the loss of the parent. She did not close her heart to protect herself from future loss.

However, most of us did not have loving parents to help us move through the heartbreaks of childhood. In fact, many of us had parents that caused much of the heartbreak with various forms of abuse. We needed to numb out and find protections/addictions to manage the heartbreak and loneliness of rejection, abuse and loss. As a result, the pain got stuck in our bodies, causing both physical and emotional damage.

Emotional Damage

Without a loving parent such as Celine’s father, we had no choice but to learn to buffer the pain. You might have learned to use food, drugs or alcohol at a young age. Perhaps you became addicted to TV, computer games, tantrums, fantasy or caretaking. You might have learned to stay focused in your mind rather than in your body, and to live in the past or future rather than in the present moment. In one way or another, you learned to disconnect from your deeper feelings of heartache, heartbreak, loneliness, helplessness over others, sorrow and grief, because you did not have the ability to manage these very painful feelings any other way.

But addictions and inner disconnection cause other problems – loss of a sense of self, low self-worth, fears of rejection and engulfment. The more you disconnect from your feelings, the more you are dependent upon others for approval and acceptance. This leads to relationship problems and to more addictive behaviors. The result is living with anxiety, depression, fear, anger, guilt and/or shame.

Childhood heartbreak has hugely devastating effects that need to be healed as adults. Now, we can go back and learn to give ourselves what we didn’t receive as children – compassion, caring, tenderness, gentleness and understanding – and heal much of the emotional damage. We can learn to manage the deeply painful feelings that we could not manage as children.

Physical Damage

When children are physically and/or sexually abused, the energy it takes to survive causes a huge amount of stress in the physical body. When stressed, the body goes into flight or fight, which means that the blood leaves the organs, brain, and immune system and goes into the arms and legs for fighting or fleeing. However, when we cannot fight or flee, we freeze, causing the blood to stay stuck in our arms and legs. This gradually erodes the immune system, preparing the way for illness. Much current illness is the result of childhood abuse.

While we can currently eat well, get enough exercise, and heal the emotional stress, sometimes the physical damage is deeply challenging. It is not easy to heal the years of damage caused by the stress of abuse. It is vitally important for you to not judge yourself for the illnesses you might be suffering that started as a child from being abused or from suffering unbearable loss.

Today, you need to be gentle with yourself. Judging yourself for the emotional and physical damage of heartbreak only causes more heartbreak. Instead, you need to be deeply caring, tender and gentle with yourself, consistently giving the love and acceptance to yourself that you did not receive as a child. This is what heals.

Find out how SELFQUEST® unleashes the true power and consciousness within you to help you realize the life changes you desire and deserve. The power to find yourself, heal yourself and love yourself through the transformational self-healing practice of Inner Bonding.