If You Love Yourself Will You Finish Up All Alone?

If you learn to love yourself and you become happy and whole, will you end up alone? Will a partner want you if you are not needy?

I had been working with Kathleen for a few months when we had the following discussion:

KATHLEEN: I know that the Inner Bonding process really works to learn to love myself. It’s really helpful to me when I do it, but I find myself being very resistant to doing it, and I don’t know why.

MARGARET: There must be a very good reason. What are you afraid will happen if you learn to love yourself?

KATHLEEN: I think I’m afraid that I will end up alone.

Kathleen was in her late 30’s and was very desirous of finding Mr. Right and starting a family.

MARGARET: Why do you believe you will end up alone if you practice Inner Bonding and learn to love yourself?

KATHLEEN: I’m afraid that a man will not be attracted to me if I’m really together and not needy.

Kathleen had been in numerous relationships that did not work out. Invariably, the man would withdraw and she would feel devastated.

MARGARET: Kathleen, all of your relationships up until now have been about finding a man to make you happy. Coming from a needy and empty place within, you are looking for a man to fill you up. The men who are attracted to you are also in the same place, since we come together at our common level of self-abandonment or self-love. So you want him to fill you and he wants you to fill him, and when you pull on him to fill your emptiness and make you happy, his fears of engulfment get triggered and he withdraws. This has happened over and over, and it will keep happening until you learn to love yourself and are no longer needy.

KATHLEEN: Well, why would I even need a relationship if I love myself and I feel happy and whole?

MARGARET: When you feel happy and whole, and are filled with love inside, you will want to share your love. You will want to learn and play and create with a loved one. Sharing love is the most wonderful experience in life. And when you are healed enough to want to share love instead of get love, you will be much more likely to attract a man who also wants to share love. Granted, the world is not filled with men wanting to share love, but these men do exist, and you will have a much better chance of attracting a loving man when you desire to share love rather than get love. And you will be far better off than you are now when you learn how to love yourself and you feel happy and whole within!

Kathleen could see that if she learned to love herself and make herself happy, then at least she would not be miserable and waiting for Mr. Right to make her happy. She decided to renew her commitment to practicing Inner Bonding and see what happened.

After a number of months of practice, Kathleen started to notice a change. While she still really wanted a relationship, her reasons for wanting it were changing. After not dating for a year, she signed up on a dating website and started dating again. She was quite surprised at the response she received, which was much greater than the last time she had tried online dating.

KATHLEEN: I’m wondering why I’m attracting more and different men this time?

MARGARET: As I told you, attraction is based on our common level of woundedness or emotional and spiritual health. We might not be consciously aware of it, but we pick up others’ energy, even through the Internet. By practicing Inner Bonding, you have raised your frequency and so you are attracting men with a higher frequency.

Kathleen did eventually meet Mr. Right. She and Nathan both practice Inner Bonding. They have one child and Kathleen is pregnant with their second. They both work with me when the need arises.

Obviously, practicing Inner Bonding and learning to love herself did not lead to ending up alone!

The Greatest Joy In Life Is Free

There are many experiences that create momentary happiness, but there is only one experience that is truly the greatest joy in life.

Take a moment to think about what you believe is the greatest joy in life.

Is it:

  • Getting love or approval?
  • Having lots of friends?
  • Being financially successful?
  • Being famous?
  • Being married?
  • Having children?
  • Having great sex?
  • Winning competitions?
  • Traveling?
  • Being highly creative?
  • Having power over others?
  • Having a big house?
  • Winning the lottery?

Research indicates that none of these create lasting joy. They may bring you temporary happiness, but not long-term deep joy. In fact, the pursuit of any of these may be in the way of the greatest joy in life.

The greatest joy in life is the experience of sharing love.

What does this mean?

When you were a child, did you ever have the experience of having made something special or having saved your money and purchased something special for one of your parents, and you were so excited to give it to them that you could hardly stand it? And how did you feel when your parent received your gift with joy and excitement? Did you feel a wonderful fullness in your heart? This is an experience of sharing love.

If your parent didn’t receive it with love, how did you feel? Were you crushed?

Being together with someone, feeling safe, and sharing love energetically from open hearts – even without words – is without a doubt the most fulfilling experience in life. Getting love, or getting any of the items above, doesn’t compare to the joy of sharing love.

Yet many people don’t experience this great joy in life in a long-term relationship.

Why is this?

Usually, it’s because they are not focused on sharing love. Instead, they focus on getting love or avoiding pain. When this is the focus, the heart is closed and loved cannot be shared.

Love is not something we manufacture within our body. We can’t make ourselves feel love within or love for another. Love is a gift of Spirit that enters your heart when your heart is open.

What opens or closes your heart?

Your intent!

Your intent to protect against pain closes the heart. When your heart is closed, the love-that-is-God has no place to enter. You are always surrounded by that beautiful energy of love, but you can’t feel it when your heart is closed due to your intent to protect/avoid/control.

When your intent is to love yourself and others and to learn about any blocks to love, then your heart is open and the gift of love enters your heart.

This is when you can share love.

The more you practice Inner Bonding, the more you develop the neural pathways in your brain for being an open, spiritually connected loving adult. This is what allows you to share love.

People who were brought up in a very loving and supportive family with parents who were able to share love with their spouse and with their children, already have these neural pathways in their brain. It’s natural for them to have their heart open to sharing love.

Unfortunately, too many of us were raised by parents who were wounded and were not open to healing their woundedness. Their wounded self was in charge with the intent to protect/avoid/control, so they couldn’t share love with each other or with us. They didn’t role model an open heart.

This is one reason that the practice of Inner Bonding is so important. The more you practice the Six Steps of Inner Bonding, the more often you are able to keep your heart open to learning and loving, and the more often you are able to share love with others whose hearts are also open – and experience the greatest joy in life!

Find out how SELFQUEST® unleashes the true power and consciousness within you to help you realize the life changes you desire and deserve. The power to find yourself, heal yourself and love yourself through the transformational self-healing practice of Inner Bonding.